Two of you went to Seattle’s ‘Not Creepy’ dating mixer. Here’s how it went

Last week we told you about a fascinating new local dating event — The Not Creepy Gathering for People who are Single and Want to Fall in Love. When we asked if anyone wanted to go and report back, Evergrey readers Robbie Barnhart and Dominique Barni signed up to do it. 


Robbie made his entrance “fashionably and fashionably late,” he told us (check out his full dispatch on his blog), but ran into a pretty big snag as the event kicked off:

I started to realize that I was the only gay guy in the room. Now, having grown up in a small town in the Midwest, this was not a new feeling for me — but rather an old one, an isolating one, and not one I ever thought I’d experience in Seattle. … I had seen several queer women, adorning both the female and male symbols on their name tags. And go fam! But that isn’t my romantic demographic.”

Still, Robbie said, he dug the activities. Particularly the last one, where people got onstage and read statements about what they want in a partner. As people got up and read, “I felt their empowerment,” Robbie said, “and that was the real prize of this event.”

What did Robbie do afterward?

“I retreated back to Capitol Hill to be amongst my people, The Gays™, snuggled up in my bungalow, and took out an Armistead Maupin novel. I didn’t come away empty handed, as I have the satisfaction of putting myself out there and looking my loneliness head on,” he wrote.

“So, my Seattleites, if you happen to know of a tall, dark, and handsome gay man with a dog who might be attracted to a short, stocky, 20 something, flamboyantly homosexual airline pilot, hit a girl up.” 

»»» Psst! Before you think this story has a sad ending, here’s a key update:

Since we heard from Robbie, we got some good news from Not Creepy event host Jenna Bean Veatch: Due to popular demand, a new event, The Not-Creepy Gathering for People Who Are Queer and Want to Fall In Love, is happening on May 18. And you can get your tickets here.

“AH! That’s what I neeeeeeed!” Robbie emailed when we told him about the new event. “I just so happen to be off work, too!”

Why did Jenna create the queer event? Because of Robbie, it turns out! He lamented the lack of gay men from the stage at last Friday’s event, and Jenna and the event volunteers heard him loud and clear.

“It is harder for queer people to meet other queer people, because there’s fewer of us,” Jenna said. “We heard [Robbie] at the event, there’s clearly a need for it, and now there’s enough traction to support it.” 

(Photo: Dominique Barni)


Like Robbie, Dominique didn’t find the love of her life at the event. But, she said:

“It was a nice reminder that there are good, kind people in our city who are also single (sometimes I feel like the only one), and that we all walk around with varying levels of emotional armor, but always have the option to set it down and let people in.”

Among the things that impressed her? The sold-out turnout, host Jenna’s upbeat attitude, the “positive affirmations” she saw around the room — like a written note to “Just breathe” — and a writing activity that happened at the beginning, where each person wrote a love letter they’d want to receive, then folded it up and traded with someone, over and over. “The one I ended up with closed with the sweet sentence ‘you mean everything to me.’ Aw!” (That’s her photo up top).

Dominique also loved the closing event, where people talked about what they wanted in a partner:

“It was equal parts terrifying and freeing (vulnerability is tough!), and amazing to see so many folks sharing such a tender part of themselves. Two of my favorites were the woman looking for a relationship like Morticia and Gomez Addams’, and the gentleman looking for a ‘badass sweetie pie.’”

Thanks a ton to Robbie and Dominique for putting themselves out there and sharing the experience back with all of you. Want to tell us about something interesting you’re doing in the city? Hit reply or email [email protected]. Want to to check out future Not Creepy events? Here’s their calendar of upcoming dates, with more tickets going on sale soon…